E. 6 Conflict: Does it have to tear you apart or can it bring you closer together? Artwork

That's So Deep

Hello! It's Phyllis and Julie! Welcome to That's So Deep! We created this podcast because we found ourselves craving deeper conversations and deeper relationships. We wanted a place where we could be real, feel it all, lift each other up, laugh, cry and grow together. If this sounds good to you, then come hang out with us! We know that your time and attention are valuable so we hope you come away feeling a little more known, a little more connected and a little less lonely. Love - Phyllis & Julie

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That's So Deep

E. 6 Conflict: Does it have to tear you apart or can it bring you closer together?

December 17, 2021 • Phyllis and Julie • Season 6 • Episode 6

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. In this episode, we talk about CONFLICT. There was a lot that we covered in this episode so the list is longer than usual. Hope you come away with some take-aways!

Some deep things we cover:

Phyllis sees conflict as an opportunity for connection and understanding yourself.
Julie is a lover not a biter: Julie talks about how she would respond when her younger sister would bite her.
Responding vs. Reacting: What is the difference?
Reconciliation: What does it mean to reconcile with a person?
Four Types of Conflict: Aggressive, Passive, Passive Aggressive and Assertive. Which type are you? Which type should we aspire to?
Timing is everything: Phyllis shares how her anxiety can hijack the timing of a conflict.
Apologies are the key to reconnecting.
Conflict is a skill: You can practice and get better at it.
Unified Detachment: Shifting our perspective from oppositional to collaborative.
Soft Feelings vs. Hard Feelings: Which ones do bring into a conflict?

Take-aways:

Unified Detachment: Start with a shared goal. When you are in a conflict, instead of seeing the conflict as something that is coming between you and your person, think about being on the same team and tackling it together.
Listen to Understand: Instead of preparing your own remarks, soften your heart and set your thoughts aside momentarily. Be present for your person. Try to listen to understand what they are trying to convey to you.
Choose Words that are Worthy of the Light of Day: It's hard to filter when you are in the heat of the moment but take the time to find words that communicate your feelings but also honor the relationship. It's hard to un-say words once they are said.

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Yours in Becoming,

Phyllis and Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: