E. 23 - Fake Apologies vs. True Apologies: What's the Difference? Artwork

That's So Deep

Hello! It's Phyllis and Julie! Welcome to That's So Deep! We created this podcast because we found ourselves craving deeper conversations and deeper relationships. We wanted a place where we could be real, feel it all, lift each other up, laugh, cry and grow together. If this sounds good to you, then come hang out with us! We know that your time and attention are valuable so we hope you come away feeling a little more known, a little more connected and a little less lonely. Love - Phyllis & Julie

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That's So Deep

E. 23 - Fake Apologies vs. True Apologies: What's the Difference?

April 29, 2022 • Phyllis and Julie • Season 1 • Episode 23

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Fake Apologies vs. True Apologies: What’s the Difference?

Some deep things we cover:

Fake Apologies: Conditional apologies, blanket apologies, silencing apologies…we’ve heard them all and done them all.
True Apologies (according to Dr. Harriet Lerner):
- Do not include the word "but".
- Keep the focus on your actions and not on the other person's response
- Don't overdo.
- Don't get caught up in who's more to blame or who is right or wrong.
- Do not serve to silence someone.
Apologies are the Beginning of Conversations…not the End.
Apologizing to Your Children Builds Connection.

Take-aways:

Separate an Apology from Raising an Issue: If you’re going to raise an issue, then raise an issue. That’s okay. If you are going to apologize, then apologize and mean it. Separate the two. These are two different conversations.
Apologize When You Feel Remorse and Make it Specific: This is where “fake it ‘till you make it” is not a great plan. If you don’t feel remorse then you have some work to do before you apologize.
Apologies are a Gift to the Other Person and to Yourself: When you give a gift, you need to do some work to prepare it. Don’t just throw it in a used grocery bag and toss it to the other person. Take the time to do the emotional work necessary to really prepare the gift for yourself and for the other party. Your relationship will be better for it.

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Yours in Becoming,

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: