E. 16 - Complaining: Why do we do it? And does it really make us feel better? Artwork

That's So Deep

Hello! It's Phyllis and Julie! Welcome to That's So Deep! We created this podcast because we found ourselves craving deeper conversations and deeper relationships. We wanted a place where we could be real, feel it all, lift each other up, laugh, cry and grow together. If this sounds good to you, then come hang out with us! We know that your time and attention are valuable so we hope you come away feeling a little more known, a little more connected and a little less lonely. Love - Phyllis & Julie

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That's So Deep

E. 16 - Complaining: Why do we do it? And does it really make us feel better?

March 11, 2022 • Phyllis and Julie • Season 1 • Episode 16

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Complaining: Why do we do it? And does it really make us feel better?

Some deep things we cover:

Complaining is Contagious: We all do it.
Three Types of Complaining: We discuss the difference between venting, problem solving, and ruminating
Checking in with the “Complaint Receiver”: You often need to complain TO someone BUT are they in a head space to receive your complaining?
What is the difference between healthy venting vs. emotional dumping?
“I need to process this”: a way to shift your complaining into problem solving.
It’s not you it’s me: Our complaints are often about us and our triggers and not about others.
F Bombs in Journals: Phyllis shares how she emotionally dumps into a journal and how that helps her.

Take-aways:

When you find yourself wanting to complain to someone, first figure out what you need. Do you need to emotionally dump? Do you need appreciation? Do you need to vent? Do you need to figure out why something is bothering you?
Before you complain, check in with the person who you are complaining to. See if they are in a head space to receive your complaint.
If they are, then ask for what you need. If they are not, consider journaling or going for a walk.
In general, the most healthful and helpful way to “complain” is to problem solve or "process."
Pay attention to how often you complain. Pay attention to who you complain to. Pay attention to if the conversations you are having are “complaint heavy” and if so, think about why and how you might have different conversations.

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Yours in Becoming,

Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode: